Noon Blue Apples (2006)

Rating: B+

Dir: Jay Lee
Star: Lauren Fox, Thomas Jay Ryan, Kia Joy Goodwin, Betty Buckley

Y’know, if I ever get round to writing a script, this is close to what I’d probably produce: dense, packed with information, loaded with conspiratorial overtones, yet possessing a sly sense of fun. I knew I was in for a trip when heroine Eris (Fox) enters the Chapel Perilous bookshop, and I realised I own half the works on their shelves. She’s doing research for a college paper, and is sucked into a world of paranoia, misinformation, mysterious radio broadcasts (by George Takei!) and enough theories to drive anyone to the edge of sanity. And that’s exactly where Eris is heading. At top speed. With no brakes. Who should she trust? Anyone? No-one?

Writer/director Lee artfully mixes genuinely-held beliefs (eye in the pyramid on the dollar, Rennes-le-Chateau) with fabrications, and it’s often hard to tell which is which. Though personally, I doubt Scott Baio is the Antichrist, despite the evidence given here. You could spend all your time noting symbolism – “23” crops up repeatedly, a character called Rosslyn Chapel, that kind of thing – and this side is simply so much fun, the fate of the fairly-bland heroine does shrink in significance. It may seem overlong, and it’s the kind of paranoia almost impossible to end satisfactorily, but Lee finds a wonderful balance between poking fun at conspiracies and endorsing them. However, I note that producer Montel Williams, who also cameos, used to be an NSA operative… So best write this movie all off as misinformation, and forget you ever heard about it. Especially from me.