Valentine


Dir: Jamie Blanks
Starring: David Boreanaz, Denise Richards, Jessica Capshaw, Katherine Heigl

Twenty years ago, this would have been marginally acceptable as a bog-standard slasher movie. Ten years ago, it would have been tired, lame and straight to video. Now, it stakes an early claim as the worst movie of the year, with a story and characters of absolutely no interest at all. Someone is killing vacuous bimbos in a variety of uninteresting ways; possible murderers include the usual, such as a wronged geek, but it is totally impossible to give a damn about either victims or suspects. Boreanaz's film career gets off to the worst possible start, though there is mileage to be gained from lines like "He's no angel" - actually, he is...and he'd be better off moping there than here. None of the rest of the cast are at all memorable, not even Richards who has proven she can do the super-bitch role in her sleep. Stalk 'n' slash is a genre ripe for re-invention - and I don't mean in the mind-numbingly obvious, "let's point out all the cliches" way of the Scream trilogy. Final Destination showed this kind of thing could be done with imagination, but Blanks is happy to do no more than trot out stuff we have seen a million times before. Avoid. I repeat: avoid.

E


...would you mind if 
I called you Buffy?
See also... [Index] [Next] [Previous] [TC Home Page]